User blog:KingOfKretaceous/Kaiju Reviews: Episode 3

=DISCLAIMER: If this is your kaiju, and you get offended by me saying bad stuff about it, I'm sorry. Just go on my message wall and scream at me, although I'll probably ignore you, because I most likely have better things to do.=

=SECOND DISCLAIMER: This series heavily relies on my own likes and dislikes, so if you disagree with me, that's perfectly fine, because I might be a little biased while reviewing some kaiju.=

Welcome back to this series! Are ya happy the hiatus is ending? Today, we're looking at a kaiju that's been getting some attention. That kaiju is the lord, the saviour, King Kaiju. I'll return to the "random button of fortune" method in later episodes. I already picked my next one using this method, so stay tuned.

King Kaiju
First off, this is a joke page, but I'm treating it like a regular kaiju.

First impression
"King Kaiju is a kaiju made by BreakoutLizzy"

That's the definition of a fucking quality description. Amiriteoraminotrite???

Jokes aside, that was so damn vague that I'm not even giving it a pass. It doesn't tell you jackshit about what you're diving into.

But that's probably the best part of this page.

History
"Much of his history is shrouded in mystery. Although, we know this creature was created as a being who can level anything imaginable."

What the hell can I even say here? There is nothing to say! It's so uninformative and vague that it may as well get removed from the damn page, and nothing would change! Bloody hell. Ugh, on to the appearance.

Appearance
"Minya, but with dorsal fins on the side of his head, a random arm for a staff, and SpaceGodzilla's tail but WAAAAYYYY longer as seen in the picture."

At least it's actually telling us information. Honestly, the picture looks like a 1st grader photoshopped it. Except that 1st grader is really good for his age group, which is still bad. Also, Spacegodzilla's tail isn't even attached to King Kaiju! I actually thought it was a stick that King Kaiju tossed out of his hand. Now, probably the most descriptive part of the page; the abilities.

Abilities
King Kaiju has a variety of OP-ish moves. He can teleport, has the most powerful fists ever, he can fly, has electricity(?), fast dodging, a force-field, also the most powerful kick ever, foot stomps that crush 20 people per city, a tail swing that can knock 100 enemies into space, and 20 spiral rays that can come out of his chest.

Conclusion
Yes, this is now becoming a new part of my reviews.

In all my stars, I never thought I'd see something worse than Indominus Ghidorah. But low and behold. At least Indominus Ghidorah was a bit descriptive. Sure, it said some undescriptive things, but I already knew what he meant. With this, I have no background context. I get that it's trying to be mysterious, but there's some things you can't really leave out. I feel like history is one of them. Like, at least a little history would be nice, even if it's something like Vigillante.

The final score for this kaiju is a 1/10. This is actually a fucking sin. The ONLY reason it's not a 0/10 is because I caused this. I lead the creator to this Wikia, so I have no one but myself to blame.

I'm not in a bad mood or anything, I just think this page is really bad. Next time, though, we'll have something much better. It's not a kaiju, though. It's a story. See ya in the next review.